


Never Never Land

by gemjam



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-26
Updated: 2013-12-26
Packaged: 2018-01-06 06:15:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1103383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gemjam/pseuds/gemjam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nico always wanted to follow in his father's foosteps, but when his dreams fall short he finds himself irresistably drawn to the men who live the life he couldn't quite grasp.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Never Land

**Author's Note:**

> Written for deltachild for the Secret Santa exchange over at f1slash using the prompts of _any kind of AU_ and _airports._

Nico knows how to smile, knows how to be polite, knows how to keep his cool in the face of someone who's raging about a delay that Nico obviously has no control over. Maybe this is what his father had brought him up for all along. The manners that were instilled in him as a child have been endlessly useful in his line of work.

He spends most of his time in the first class compartment because he has endless patience for their entitled demands and they seem to like the fact that he's well turned out and speaks so many languages. They think he's almost one of them. Nico tells himself it's nothing like the truth.

He grew up in Monaco with money but he was never like those people. When he flew with his father they always sat in economy, even though the airline offered them free upgrades. Nico's father didn't want him to be spoilt. He wanted him to understand that he was getting there under his own hard work and determination or he wasn't getting there at all. Nico never got there.

There's a photo next to his parents' TV of him when he was three years old. He's wearing his father's pilot's cap. It's far too big, falling down to cover his eyes, but the huge grin is unmistakable. He was a boy with a dream, following in daddy's footsteps. It breaks him a little bit more every time he sees that photo, knowing how close he came before it all fell away from him. He wonders if his father thinks the same thing whenever he looks at it.

His parents have always been supportive, have never judged him for not reaching the goals he had, after all, set for himself. He was the one who always wanted to be a pilot. His father had never once encouraged or discouraged him. His mother, he thought, was always reluctant about the idea, though she never expressed this out loud. She hated to fly, was terrified of the unnatural result of strapping jet engines to fuselage, and she was always afraid whenever her husband was in the sky. She was relieved when he retired. When Nico enrolled in flight school she started to look slightly haunted again, despite her best efforts to smile it all away.

He's not sure if it's better or worse in her eyes that he's not the one who's in charge of the plane but he still travels around the world on them. He thinks she'd probably prefer him to be risking his life at a slightly more prestigious level. The smile remains the same as the one she wore through his failed training efforts and Nico thinks that might hurt more than anything. He wants this to make a difference to them. He wants them to be disappointed because then he'll feel validated when he tells himself he's so much better than this.

It may not be the life he saw for himself but he's glad he chose to become a member of the cabin crew. He likes the travel, the transient lifestyle that it breeds. It's so much easier to hide in. When a plane is in the air you're nowhere and everywhere all at once, nothing but a possibility.

Airports feel the same way to Nico. They're places of arrivals and departures but they're not destinations and one always looks pretty much the same as the next. In an airport you could be anyone or go anywhere, the perfect place to disappear from.

On planes, in airports, memories don't count in Nico's mind. These places don't exist. That's where he fucks pilots, an act that feels simultaneously like a punishment and a reward.

He's never turned down. When it was the older guys, the ones closer to his father's generation, Michael and Damon and Jacques and Mika, he used to bat his eyelids and they couldn't resist this pretty piece of jailbait. It should make him feel objectified but he always knew he was the one who held the power. He did it because he liked it. He did it because, for a second, he could pretend that this was his life, that he was one of them.

The younger guys, the guys closer to his own age who must have been going through flight school around the same time as him, Fernando and Kimi and Jenson and Sebastian, they thought it was a bit of fun, fucking the flirty trolley dolly, groping in confined spaces, a perk of the job. They never took it very seriously and neither did Nico. All he wanted was the feel of that uniform against him while he got fucked, associating the rough feel of pilot's jackets and the sharpness of those metal wings with orgasms and escapism.

Lewis was the only one he never let touch him. Lewis and he had attended flight school together but Lewis had passed with flying colours where Nico had been forced to concede defeat. It wasn't that Nico felt hurt or jealous, but it cut a little too close to home. With Lewis, Nico couldn't pretend.

The plane starts its descent and Nico can hear Jessy over the intercom telling everyone that the pilot has put on the fasten your seatbelts sign so please make sure your seats are in the full upright position and all tray tables are folded away. Kimi is on duty today, Jenson his co-pilot for the journey, and Nico struggles to remember where they're even landing. He knows he's staying overnight though, it's been a long haul and he won't be able to fly again until morning.

He walks through the first class cabin, checking on the passengers and repeating what Jessy has just said because apparently rich people can't listen. Nico understands why Mark got banned from working first class for threatening to punch one of the passengers in the face. Sometimes Nico has to bite his tongue so hard he can taste blood. Mark's never had very good impulse control though, especially not when it comes to his mouth. But his moment of indiscretion had him introduced to Ann, the company lawyer, so it all ended happily really.

It's a smooth landing and Nico sees the passengers off the plane, smiling and thanking people and wishing them an enjoyable stay. He stares out at the sunshine that falls on the tarmac runways and he's still unsure what country he's in. It's a comforting thought.

_I could be anywhere. I could be anything._

Once the plane is empty Nico watches Jenson and Jessy leaving arm in arm. She's not a cheap fuck like Nico was, she's the real thing. To Nico that concept sounds terrifying. His commitment phobia has nothing to do with relationships; he doesn't want to commit to being _himself_.

Kimi considers Nico as he stares out of the door of the plane. His eyes scan shamelessly up and down and Nico feels that familiar itch. He chews on his lip, making his eyes a little wider, waiting for an offer.

"Do you want to get a drink?" Kimi asks.

Nico glances towards the terminal building. "At the airport bar?"

"Not allowed to drink at the airport bar anymore," Kimi dismisses. "Makes the passengers nervous."

Nico smiles, remembering the incident well. He's not leaving the airport with Kimi though and the next crew are already on their way to turn the plane around.

"Another time."

"Fine, we'll just fuck," Kimi says. "I can drink later."

He doesn't wait for a response, heading down the steps towards the tarmac, certain that Nico will follow. Nico isn't insulted by the assumption. This is the life he shakily built for himself. This is the only certainty he has left.

They end up in a disabled bathroom, overnight bags abandoned on the floor as Kimi pushes Nico back against the wall, their mouths pressed frantically together. Nico grabs Kimi's lapels, holds on tight, groans into his mouth. He's so hard, so desperate for this, and he wants to claw at Kimi, wants to hurry him along, but he can't stand the thought of letting go of the uniform, as though the second it slips from his fingers his life will revert back to being mundane. As long as he's connected to this then he's a part of it, a part of what Kimi represents. It's no better than grabbing hold of his father's coat tails and trying desperately to follow in footsteps that were always going to be far too big for him.

Kimi knows just where to find the lube in Nico's bag. He spins him around, makes him brace himself against the sink, and Nico gives a whimper of disappointment. He needs to touch. He needs to hold on or he'll disappear, slip right down the plughole in front of him. But then he looks up, sees the mirror in front of him, sees Kimi's flushed face over his shoulder as he works Nico's pants open. The wings on his jacket glint in the hideous fluorescent light. It calms something deep down inside Nico.

Slick fingers rub against his hole and Nico tilts his head back, letting out a groan. He slides his feet as far apart as the trousers bunched around his knees will allow, gripping hold of the edge of the sink to balance himself. He sticks his arse out, wanton and demanding, and he doesn't give a fuck what he looks like. Kimi slides a fingers inside and he moans gratefully, his arms nearly buckling beneath him.

The preparation is rushed and messy, just the way Nico likes it. He tried romance once but it didn't suit him; he doesn't understand how anything as good and bad and filthy as sex can ever have anything to do with love. This is a means to an end, a way to feel alive, a way to feel his heart beat like it did when he first took over the controls in an aircraft and he was flying like he was Peter Pan. His fairydust ran out a long time ago and this is the only way he's learnt to borrow some.

Kimi's hands are bruising on his hips as he pushes his dick inside him. Nico closes his eyes, feeling himself shudder. He tightens around Kimi, partly instinctively and partly out of the design. He loves that moment of supremacy where he knows his body is overwhelming someone. It's the purest form of winning he knows. Kimi moans behind him, a stuttered sound, and Nico opens his eyes, taking in the pleasure that washes so plainly over Kimi's face.

It burns at first, Kimi's harsh thrusts, but Nico just grits his teeth and pushes back to meet him, feeling so utterly alive and vital and _real_. Kimi places one hand on the counter beside Nico to brace himself as he fucks him with an urgency someone wouldn't think Kimi was capable of. Nico looks down at the four stripes on his cuff, the lines that tell him he's four times better than Nico. He wants to reach out, wants to wrap his hand around them, but he's dizzy with sensation, unable to concentrate on anything but the way Kimi feels inside him.

Kimi's hand tightens on his hip, dull fingernails digging in as he speeds up his thrusts. Nico can't help but imagine the little half-moon shapes pressed into his flesh. He looks up at the mirror, watching Kimi's reflection, the way his eyes have almost completely lost their pale blue as the irises are pushed out with lust, his cheeks the pink of a spanked bottom. The image sends a shiver through Nico. He bets Kimi would do that to him if he asked.

Their eyes meet in the reflection and Kimi smirks at him, making Nico feel as though he's been caught in the act. Kimi leans forward, lining his mouth up with Nico's ear as he holds his gaze.

"Do it."

The words are mumbled and almost lost to the sounds of slapping skin, to Nico's own harsh breaths, but he understands them perfectly well. His hand slides on the counter as he pulls it towards himself, damp with sweat. He wraps his fingers hard around his cock, squeezing himself, a high-pitched noise escaping his throat as his hips push forward into his own touch. Kimi smiles, predatory with teeth, and Nico can't quite look away.

He matches the strokes of his hand to Kimi's thrusts, letting himself be led, knowing it's going to make him fall but needing so desperately for everything to be connected. He can feel himself getting close, the tension winding up deep inside him. He pushes his whole body back against Kimi's and he can't really feel it, not through his own clothes, but he can see it in the reflection, that uniform, Kimi's shining eyes, and he lets go, surrenders it all as he spills over his own fingers, crying out.

His eyes fall closed as he rides it out, wanting to sag back and be caught in Kimi's arms, wrapped in that jacket even if Kimi's still the one wearing it, but Kimi is relentless, not slowing the rhythm of his hips as he continues to drive into him. Nico's arms are shaky beneath him as he leans forwards onto them, head bowed down. The aftershocks are too sharp and he whimpers but he doesn't quite want it to stop.

Kimi grunts and Nico opens his eyes, looking down at the stripes around his cuff. His eyes are slightly blurry with unshed tears but he blinks until they become clear, until they're as inescapable as Kimi's dick inside him. Nico folds down to his elbows, swaying closer, and then he looks up at the mirror, seeking out Kimi's reflection again. Instead he finds himself faced with his own and he can't quite look away.

He looks so young but so old, knowing in a way that comes only from failure. His lips are parted and his eyes are glassy and his cheeks are flushed and glimmering with sweat. He looks wasted and used but he looks honest. As Kimi's thrusts become erratic Nico squints, mixing their reflections together so the blur almost lets him believe he's the one wearing that pilot's jacket.

Kimi comes with a noise that sounds almost disgruntled, sagging heavily against Nico and making him want to buckle to the floor. Weighed down Nico stretches out a finger, running it down the lines on Kimi's cuff. Kimi clears his throat and then rights himself, pulling up Nico's pants before he pulls up his own as though he suddenly believes in chivalry.

Nico turns, leaning back against the counter as he watches Kimi right his clothing. He feels in a daze as he lifts up a heavy arm, fingertips tracing the little silver wings that he's dreamed about since he was a child. Kimi watches, looking interested, but he doesn't say anything. Instead he adjusts his jacket so that Nico lets his arm fall away. He looks up, meeting Kimi's eyes, his expression probably giving away far too much.

"See you tomorrow," Kimi says.

Nico nods, glancing down to make sure he's covered before Kimi unlocks the door, slipping out into the noisy airport. Nico pushes away from the sink with great effort and locks it behind him before grabbing some tissues to clean himself up. He splashes some cool water on his face to try and take away the flush, daring himself to meet his own reflection in the mirror. All he sees is Nico, nothing more, nothing less.

He gathers his things together, taking a deep breath before stepping back out into the airport. He walks through the crowds of people coming and going, saying hellos and goodbyes, all the happiness and sadness, genuine emotions laid bare. They touch him, wash over him, make him feel something like hope. At least heartbreak cuts through; it would be better than this numbness he's trained himself to feel.

It's hot out, the dry kind of heat that makes it hard to breathe, makes you instantly want a drink, but the hotel isn't far and he likes walking the streets in foreign lands, a place where he's unknown and draws no attention. It's a different kind of anonymous; _someone_ not _no one_. Nico is more than willing to take it. One more night where he doesn't have to be himself and face up to all the things that never were.


End file.
